Someone taught me that there's no perfection in the beginning. There's a lot of things that you have to learn. Tak dipanggil belajar kalau tak buat salah. Salah tu mesti ada. mesti wujud. too impossible kalau kau nak perfect at first try.
Kalau tak nak sakit hati, jangan bercinta. someone told me. Bercinta mana yang tak sakit hati? at least mesti ada sikit yang terasa hati. Well i try to learn. And sometimes, i might repeat the mistakes. i didnt expect a scold or insinuation. i need guidance.
lack of confidence create insecurities.
i dont know if im lacking of confidence or im just simply feel the insecurity. so hard, way so hard nak buang the insecurities. ahahah. it's not the first time to feel the insecurities, tpi it's the biggest insecurity i've ever feel kot. sometimes, ikut citarasa orang lain, potato might be perfect with chilli sauce too, don't they?
and someone told me, no need to have fear. cz there's plenty out there yang waiting for the chance. tapi dia lupa. before giving some other people that chance, you might fall. and during that fall, too much things to be cover up. hati, memori. kalau jahit hati sama macam jahit baju untuk cantumkan dia balik, it wouldn't be a problem pun kalau nak bagi chance tu kat orang lain banyak kali. the thing is, how you manage to cure the pain before starting new.
sometimes, kau belajar how to be perfect. tapi that way, actually shows more your imperfections. dulu tak tahu nak decide yang mana. to take the risk by being perfect, and show the imperfections or just simply ignore and never try to learn and hide your imperfections.
tapi kalau tak cuba, how do you know the outcomes will be? tak kisah la it is bad or good, atleast, you've tried. puas hati kot.
sometimes, i feel useless. benda senang, tapi tetap tak reti nak master it. have you ever feel that, you don't know what to do, how to do it, and someone buatkan kau takut for your dumbness? well, i've feel that before waktu sekolah rendah. sains. yes. aku maybe pernah buat eksperimen tu, and i might forgot the steps, and bila come to the end, benda tak jadik. my wrong, aku tak ingat. tapi why don't just correct me? im in a process of learning. i don't want things to happen lagi. yang tadi dalam eksperimen, well.. now no more eksperimen. it's life. aku pun tak nak kena marah sebab tak reti nak belajar. so i'm trying to be perfect, but actually, i dont. memang tak pun. =..='
so the thing is,
i might be imperfect at the beginning. degil, ego, pnas baran, kasar and all that. tpi aku cuba untuk control all the things, and start to learn. we are tomato and potato. but we will be fries and ketchup. :D